Corner Brook -
After losing the battle with anorexia for 25 years, Deana Colbourne-Dobbin believes she is finally on top of the disease that has taken so much from her.
As a 20-year-old diagnosed with anorexia in 1984 there was so much uncertainty about exactly what she was dealing with. Even health professionals weren't aware of what exactly the eating disorder was and how best to treat her.
"I was more of a specimen than a patient," Colbourne-Dobbin told The Western Star. "Nobody had actually seen anybody with anorexia."
Her first hospital admission coincided with the death of American singer Karen Carpenter, who had been diagnosed with anorexia and died of heart failure in 1983 at the age of 32. Unfortunately for Colbourne-Dobbin, her life appeared to be on a similar path.
The Corner Brook native, who now lives in Lark Harbour, said it all began when she reached her heaviest weight, 197 pounds. She said she lost an estimated 70 pounds in about six months and landed herself in the hospital. It would become a trend for the wife and mother in the coming years as her weight decreased to slightly more than 80 pounds during one period.
"I was overweight all my life and, as I got older, I realized the importance of body image - with the magazines and the fact that thin, thin, thin was the way to be," she said. "I went on a diet and, after a while, no matter how much weight I lost, it was just never enough. It was always, 'I can do better.'"
There were periods of time when Colbourne-Dobbin said she would do well. She got married and had her only daughter Natasha. Later, after gaining weight, she dieted again. Her diet consisted of cutting out food altogether.
"Most times I went through stages of not eating," she said. "Then, I would get scared I was going to die and I would eat something like a piece of toast, just to stop from dying."
In 1999, her husband James died suddenly, and the subsequent four years she says she was at her worst. For the majority of that period, she said intravenous fluids kept her alive. Her daughter Natasha, then a teenager, spent much of her time at her mother's hospital bed - sometimes six months to a year at a time. It was tremendously hard for a teenage daughter to go through, especially not having a mom able to do the things a mother is supposed to.
"I used to worry about her constantly," Natasha, who was practically raised by her grandmother, said. "I didn't know when I was going to wake up and she was going to be gone. I had already lost my dad, and I was wondering if I would end up being an orphan. It sounds sad, but it was true."
Sometimes, Natasha would get her mother to the hospital to receive intravenous fluids, sit with her for the four or five hours it would take.
Today, there is a family support group in Corner Brook, but there was no such service years ago. Other than a strong family support, the mother and daughter felt pretty much on their own in dealing with a disease people seldomly acknowledged even existed.
Even people suffering from eating disorders wouldn't come forward, a problem which still exists today, according to Colbourne-Dobbin.
"It was something you didn't hear of in Corner Brook, Newfoundland," she said. "You only heard about it with movie stars and stuff, it wasn't a common thing."
Since there wasn't much information available, Natasha would spend a lot of time researching the disease, hoping to find ways to help. She would encourage her mom by telling her she was "beautiful the way she was," that she was "perfect," and not overweight. She reinforced the message by telling her she loved her and didn't want her to be sick.
"I wanted to be able to do regular things that moms and daughters do," she said. "It was hard to do that because she was so sick, and I had to watch her lay in bed and not be able to get up.
"It just seemed there was nothing I could do to help it, no matter how hard I tried."
Colbourne-Dobbin acknowledges she heard those pleas, but wasn't able to respond.
"I guess it was just something that your mind doesn't believe," she said. "You just don't see it. I just couldn't get a grip on it, no matter how hard I tried."
During those times, the only available treatment was a clinic in British Columbia. She didn't feel travelling across the country was an option.
"As much as I couldn't help (Natasha), I couldn't leave her either," she said.
Road to recovery
She became a grandmother three years ago, with the birth of Natasha's daughter Jaida, and she also met her fiancÉ Paul Keetch about 14 months ago. These events in her life have largely corresponded with her ability to get the better of anorexia over the past two years. She said the increased awareness and local support has also helped tremendously.
She has changed her lifestyle, now maintaining a "healthy" diet and exercising regularly - enjoying outdoor activities such as snowshoeing and hiking. She believes she has much to live for, and considers herself lucky to have survived.
"I can do things with my granddaughter that I didn't do with my daughter," she said. "I can take her out and dress her up, and take her outside when it is snowing. I can push her in the stroller ... Hopefully, I will be able to take her to school on her first day and do the things for her that I couldn't do for my daughter."
During the past Walk of Hope in Corner Brook, Colbourne-Dobbin held one side of the banner as people paraded through city streets to raise awareness about eating disorders. It was a step she never imagined she would take. It was a year ago this week, she also sat at an information table at Western Memorial Regional Hospital in conjunction with Eating Disorder Awareness Week.
Now, she is putting her story out there for all to see. All she thinks about is helping others.
"If one person realizes you can get help now and you can come forward, that is all I need," she said. "This is a disease and people understand that now.
"A lot of times I put the blame totally on myself, that I couldn't understand why I couldn't just sit down and eat a big plate of food like everybody else. I just couldn't do it, I still don't do it. I want others to know you have to change your lifestyle. If you don't, what happened to me will happen to you."
The 2010 national Eating Disorder Awareness Week is from Jan. 31-Feb. 6.
