Kicking the habit

CORNER BROOK - Brace yourself. This is the story of Nicole (not her real name). She is a 25-year-old woman from Corner Brook, a drug addict.

She was born into a "well-to-do" family whom she said cared for her deeply. No family members even smoked cigarettes, let alone marijuana. Snorting Ritalin or injecting Dilaudid. Well, was that even possible?

Nicole smoked her first joint at the age of 12. She was smoking cigarettes and saw the "cool" kids doing pot and tried it. She didn't even like it at first; said it made her feel weird and scared. She began dating a guy, she called him a "bad boy," a "regular pot smoker."

Nicole become a regular pot smoker. She had draws with friends at school during lunch, afterwards in the evenings and on weekends. She was still 12.

Eventually weed "wasn't cutting it anymore." Oral Valium and Atavan, prescription drugs of choice on the street, followed.

"You name it, I've taken it," she said.

Nicole remembers times at high school, being "whacked." She ate pills during school hours, again on evenings and weekends. She saw the school's guidance counsellor about her problem, was taken to the Humberwood Addiction Centre, but it didn't do her any good. She wished her teachers and school counsellor had done more for her at the time; she believes they could have because they had to have known the extent of her problem.

She started to snort Ritalin, "the cheap man's cocaine," as she calls it. She got it from people at school, and in the community.

"Unfortunately, there are so many people out there getting drugs from doctors and selling them to children, which was my case," Nicole said.

She remembers being at school, trying to crush a pill, with the bell ringing for class, and snorting pieces of pill among the finer powder.

The Ritalin made her sociable at first. She said she became the life of the party. But it changed her. It made her "weird" and quiet, and she said things were getting worse and worse. She dropped snorting Ritalin; it was easy for her to stop. The weed and eating pills continued.

Nicole went to her high school graduation, but not as a graduate. She didn't get all the required credits. She says she didn't know what she wanted to do with her life.

In 2002, she went through a break-up and became depressed. She said she didn't care about herself or anybody else. At 18 years of age, a much older man injected her with Dilaudid. It was something she swore she would never do. She was afraid of needles and knew the consequences. Immediately, she said she was addicted.

For the first three months, other people injected her with the drug. She knew nothing about how to do it herself. The man who introduced her to IV use and continued to feed her habit, went to jail, so the few people she knew who did it became her friends and taught her how.

"With Dilaudid, you shoot it and this rush comes over your body, an orgasmic rush," she said. "I can't even explain it to you.

She started another relationship in December 2002. She said the guy only drank alcohol at the time, but one night when she was high, he convinced her to shoot him up.

"I started him on his addiction," Nicole said.

To feed their habit, she would borrow money from her parents daily, alternating between the two so they wouldn't know how much. She said that money would get her and her boyfriend their first fix of the day.

Their addiction continued to escalate, and she would do just about anything to feed it. She became a kleptomaniac.

"I was stealing every day, from every store," she said. "I was caught many, many times from pretty much every store you can name in Corner Brook. I used to have to actually go to Deer Lake in my car to shoplift because there was no store in Corner Brook I could go to.

"At this point in my addiction I was so bad that I shot up every second hour. I constantly had big lumps and scars on my arms, welts from missing hits and dirty needles - not from other people, but I would use them 20 or 30 times. Life was absolutely hell, I hated to get up in the morning."

To feed her habit, she said she would do almost anything, but she drew the line at selling her body. She said the older men would sell the pills to young women for sex - not all the girls she knew drew that line.

After being charged some 12 or 13 times with shoplifting, Nicole found herself awaiting trial and bound to her parents custody. She was given a year's house arrest and outfitted with a new bracelet. She also began a methadone program to try to fight the addiction.

"I relapsed quite a bit at first because I was an addict and an addict would do anything to get their fix and what they need, " she said. "I was at my parents place getting people to throw stuff in through windows for me."

She went to Humberwood for a three-week program and was kicked out for using. Things improved somewhat, and following two years of house arrest, she went back and completed the program. Afterwards though, she began eating pills and was charged with shoplifting again, multiple times. She was put in jail for seven months.

"I quit smoking and got the rest of my (high school) credits in there," she said. "I looked at it as a really good thing. It really changed me, going to jail. I thought I had it so bad, but I seen a lot of women in there who had absolutely nobody. It really made me realize how lucky I am."

It wasn't easy though, and she relapsed again. She said three times in three weeks she took drugs intravenously.

Two years has gone by, and she hasn't done it since.

She said three friends of hers in this area have died and she knew it was time to change her life.

"I come from such a wonderful family," she said. "I just didn't want to hurt them anymore. I did it (quit) for them, but mostly I did it for myself. If you don't want it you are not going to do it.

"It's a very big struggle and I have to do it all on my own, with the support of my family and very few friends, because most of my friends turned their back on me."

Nicole thanks God for that family support, but said all is not good on that front. She said she has no relationship with her father and that torments her constantly. She cried when she talked about her father, the only time during the entire interview.

She wanted to tell her story because she wanted people to know she was doing better, fighting her addiction. She also wants to help others, and even help herself further.

Nicole completed the linkage program for ex-convicts, a program that would grant her employment at only $1.75 cost to the employer. She said no place would accept her in Corner Brook and she still has not been able to find employment.

"I know a lot of people in Corner Brook are not forgiving," she said. "I have tried to get a job, I couldn't get a job. I was judged everywhere and it was hurtful. After doing good for so long, it was hurtful to not be ever given a chance."

She said there are a lot of people in Corner Brook addicted to "synthetic heroine," and feels it is time things changed to get them the help they need.

"I didn't feel like Humberwood was equipped for my level of addiction," she said. "I was the first one they ever took on methadone. I give them props, they help a lot of people, but both times I was there most people were there for alcoholism and pot - which I am not saying isn't a bad addiction - but I was the only one there addicted to intravenous drug use and pills. God love them, they treated me good and tried, but they are not equipped for this sort of problem."

Nicole goes to Grand-Falls Windsor to see a doctor for her prescription for methadone. She is grateful, but said the system is inadequate, and the reason why many people relapse.

"I go to Grand Falls every four weeks to have a doctor prescribe the methadone," she said. "He takes a urine sample to make sure I am clean, asks me how I am doing, writes the prescription and I am gone.

"I feel there needs to be way more counselling, way more support. Something really needs to be done. I would do anything I can to help somebody, but there is no help in Corner Brook."

Nicole is really concerned about the children and teenagers growing up today. She said the drugs are getting harder and expects Crystal Meth to reach the streets here and become a serious problem within five years.

"I came from a wonderful family, and it happened to me," she said. "It doesn't matter anymore whether you are poor or rich, black or white, what area you come from. It can happen to anyone. I apologize to my family for all I have put them through. I never meant to hurt anyone, but an addict is a very selfish person."