L'ANSE-AU-LOUP, N.L. — Children are the light of their parents’ lives. From the day they are born, and every following day, even after they are gone.
For those parents who lose children, life will never be the same. L’Anse au Loup’s Betty Normore knows this all too well, and she is hoping to offer support to other parents going through the same grief.
“We lost our daughter in January 2001,” Normore said. “Paula was 14 years old. She was in the Junior Rangers, a straight A student in school, involved in her church and youth groups. She was a 14-year-old typical teenager going skating for a night.”
There was a snowmobile accident and Normore's life would never be the same again.
“After you lose a child you’re biggest fear is that people are going to forget them,” Normore said.
When Christmas time came around, she started wondering what she could do to keep Paula’s memory alive.
Through an Internet search she came across the Worldwide Candle Lighting in the United States. At that time her sister Roxann Dalton lived in North Carolina, and she took Paula’s photo and attended an event there.
Normore Googled and found out there was nothing like it in Canada, so she started writing letters to government officials, including MP Lawrence O’Brien.
In May 2003, a suggestion by Normore and her husband Dennis in memory of Paula, was put forth as a Private Member’s Motion by O’Brien, and passed in the House of Commons.
It designates the second Sunday in December as National Children’s Memorial Day — coordinating with The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting. The event unites families and friends around the world, with thousands of people lighting candles in memory and honour of children who have passed away.
Starting in 1997 in the United States as a small Internet observance, Worldwide Candle Lighting is now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, with hundreds of formal candle-lighting events, as well as thousands of informal ones.
Taking place at 7 p.m. local time means for 24-hours a wave of light and remembrance moves from time zone to time zone.
Normore personally attended the event in North Carolina.
"It was beautiful,” she said. “You go in with your child’s picture and a candle, there were poems and songs, it was so nice to see your child’s picture there with so many others and we know that we are not alone. So many others are in the same boat as we are in.”
Since 2007, Normore has been planning the event in L’Anse au Loup. A couple of years ago she asked the ministerial group to help out.
She said they always get a big turnout, sometimes up to 125 people, from all over the South Coast of Labrador, Quebec, and two years ago people came from Port Hope Simpson.
“Grief is universal but it’s unique,” Normore said. “Everyone has their own way of grieving. There are some that comes to the door and they can’t come any further, they have to go home. Others can’t wait for the door to open, the only thing they can do for their children at Christmas time is get together with others and light their candle and say their name out loud. There was one mother who came in one year and sat there with a picture in her pocket and could not go up and bring her child’s picture up and put it on the table.”
Along with fellowship, poems, music and prayers, the children’s names are read aloud and the family lights a candle placed next to their child’s photo. They then have tea and talk together.
“When you sit back and look at all the pictures on the tables and the candles are lit, it’s like oh my goodness, those are all our angels,” Normore said. “They are not with us but we are here today and we are all remembering each other’s child.”
She said the event is no longer for just herself or Paula, it is about helping other people through their grief.
“I’m at the point in my grief journey that I wanted to help other parents who are going through it,” Normore said. “Two years ago a lady came up to me and said ‘I can’t believe this, this is so special what you are doing here, you keep it up.’
"It’s important just to help other parents to let them realize they are not alone in their grief and we are always there for them. We will be there for you and we will always remember our children."